The Birthday
by resident of silent hill
Summary: A fan script,please r


The Birthday  
  
Fade in Grocery Store   
Jerry and George are shopping and talking   
  
George picks up a box of Fruity Pebbles   
George:- ( talking to the cereal)Well, it's been a while, but I'm gonna give   
you a try.   
Jerry:- Fruity Pebbles? Since when do you like Fruity Pebbles?   
George:- I don't. I don't know Jerry, things are slippin away. You know, the   
big one....   
Jerry:- Yes the big one   
George:- I can't live with myself Jerry! I mean the big 3-9!   
Jerry:- You think that's big!? George, you're just over exaggerating.   
George:- Am I Jerry!? Am I? Ho -Hooh!   
Jerry:- George, you're not even near death yet. Most people die at like 82   
now! And you still look   
young. I'm 43 and still in shape! And Kramer, he's 48 and, .....well he's   
alive!   
George:- Oh that makes me feel better. Oh yeah.   
Jerry:- Oh George Don't worry about it. You're nowhere near death.   
Jerry picks up newspaper. The headline is " Man dies at 39"   
Jerry: Hmm.. Man Dies at 39   
Jerry looks at George   
George looks at the paper and then at Jerry   
  
George:- Oh, That's nice   
  
Commercial Break   
  
  
Back to the show   
  
Shows outside of comedy club   
Fade in bar, Jerry comes in from the exit from the showroom. You hear boo's   
from the audience.   
Jerry wipes his face like he's warn out from the crowd   
George:- That didn't sound good   
Jerry:- No ,it didn't   
George:- What happened in there?   
Jerry:- I don't know. I'm losing it! I have no material! I'm turning into a   
hack!   
George:- Yeah you probably are.   
Jerry:- Oh that makes me feel better. Gramps!   
George looks at Jerry and smiles sarcastically   
George:- So what are you doing tonight?   
Jerry: I don't know George. I was thinking about going to bed .   
George: Oh yeah, it's night. I don't even care any more.   
Jerry: That's a suprise.   
George:- Well. I'm going to a birthday dinner with my parents tomorrow.Oh God.   
The dinner with   
those two freakshows ho-ho. Well... You're welcome to come.   
Jerry:- Sounds like fun.   
They walk out of the bar   
walking down the street   
Jerry:- Oh no it's Todd Gack.   
George:- Todd Gack?   
Jerry:-You know, Elaine's old boyfriend.   
George: That doesn't help much.   
Jerry:- Yeah I guess you're right.   
George:- Well who is he?   
Jerry:- He's some fluezy who made a stupid bet that Dustin Hoffman was in Star   
Wars just to get   
a date.   
George:- Oh yeah.   
Todd comes up   
Todd:- Hey Jerry   
Jerry:- Hey Todd.   
George:- Hey Gack.(thinking he's funny)   
Jerry:- So whatcha up to?   
Todd:- Oh I got married!   
Jerry:- You did?   
Todd: No. but I do work for a column in the Comedy Times magazine. I'd love   
to do an article on   
you!   
Jerry:- Oh that'd be great!   
  
Todd:- Oh well here's my card, just give me a call.   
Jerry: All right.   
Todd walks off   
Jerry: You know maybe this Todd Gack really is a great guy. This article can   
help my career!   
George: What do you really think it'll do?   
Jerry: Nothing   
  
Fade in next morning at J. Peterman's   
Elaine is at a Coca-Cola machine.   
Elaine: Oh da**. Broke a nail.   
A tall man walks by and bumps into her   
Mr.Edwards: Oh I'm sorry....Elaine? ..Is that it?   
Elaine: Yeah, yep.(laughing kinda blushing)   
Mr. Edwards: I'm Mr. Edwards. I'm new here. I'm trying to get my way around.   
I hope that uh....   
nail doesn't..affect your work.(says it in a way like he's big and cool)   
Elaine trails him confused and insulted   
  
  
Fade in Monk's Cafe   
Jerry: Hope that nail doesn't affect your work?   
Elaine: Yeah. And here's the worst part. I am at a higher postion than him!   
It was very insulting!   
He's probably a sexist pig who wants to be in my position! .. So what should   
I do?   
Jerry: Maybe you should sleep with him.   
Elaine: Oh that'll change his thoughts. (sarcastically)   
Jerry: Well maybe you should show him who's really the boss.   
Elaine: How do I do that?   
Jerry: Do hard work. Show him that you're a good worker and he'll leave you   
alone.   
Elaine: Hard work?   
Jerry: What you're supposed to do there.   
Elaine:Yeah, But hard work?   
Jerry: Yes, hard work.   
Elaine: But I can't do hard work.   
Jerry: Sure you can.   
Elaine: But I have no intention of doing hard work.   
Jerry: Then act like you're doing hard work.   
Elaine: How do I do that?   
Jerry: Huh?   
Elaine: What?   
Jerry and Elaine stop and look down for 2 seconds in confusion.   
Jerry: Look, just try to do hard work.   
Elaine: So where's George?   
Jerry: He's at that big uh...Elaine interrupts him   
Elaine: Oh, yeah the big 3-9. dinner   
Elaine: How's he doing with that?   
Jerry: Sounds like he's enjoying it.   
Elaine: Oh. So what are you doing later?   
Jerry: Oh Todd Gack is writing an article on me for his magazine.   
Elaine: Get out! throws napkin at him.. Todd Gack! The Non-Date Dustin   
Hoffman Dater!?   
Jerry: That's the one.   
Elaine: Wow he works for a magazine now?   
Jerry: Yep. And the coincidence is he just came out of Wag The Dog!   
Elaine: You really are running out of material.   
Kramer walks in   
Kramer: Hey guys   
Jerry and Elaine: Hey   
Jerry: Whatcha doin today?   
Kramer: Well, I'm going to a movie.   
Jerry: Oh really? which theater?   
Kramer: Oh I'll tell you what theater. My own apartment.   
Jerry: Excuse me?   
Kramer: Well I started my own home theater. Yeah there's popcorn and your   
little candies. Yeah   
today were playing Ghostbusters. Yeah you guys can stop buy if you want.   
Elaine: Are there Jujy Fruits?   
Kramer: Oh you better believe it.   
Jerry: Oh I'm sure this'll last.   
  
Fade in Garcia's Restaurant. George is having dinner with his parents   
Frank: Taste this bread, George.   
George: I don't want to taste it.   
Frank: If I ask you to taste it, You taste it!   
George: All right I'll taste it.   
George tastes it   
George: That's very good   
Frank: It's not good, it stinks. I thought we were coming to a nice place.   
George: This is a nice place.   
Frank: That's what they want you to think!   
George: Oh my God.   
Estelle: George-y I can't beleive you're getting so grown up.   
George: I've been a grown-up for years ma!   
Estelle: Yeah but now that you're 39, you can act I more grown up.   
George: I'll try. (smiles sarcastically)   
Frank: Ya know George, when I was in Korea, there was a guy twice my age, and   
he acted like   
he was 30 years younger! He would dodge those bullets with his hands!   
George: I'm sure he did.   
Frank: So maybe you should act 30 years younger.   
George: I don't know if you want me to act 9 years old dad.   
Frank: All right, 10 years younger.   
George: Yeah, you know what, maybe I should act younger. Get in the game! And   
smell the   
coffee right through my nose! I'm gonna do it! Ha ha!   
Takes a sip of wine.   
Estelle: How's that wine George-y?   
George: Young and proud!   
  
Fade in Jerry's apartment building   
Jerry walks up to Kramer's door   
He knocks on door   
Kramer opens it He's in a little home-built lobby Inside his building Newman   
is watching   
Ghostbusters on a 27" TV. The theater looks so corny.   
Kramer: Hey Jerry.   
Jerry: Hey Kramer.Oh, Zanidew! I need my laptop you borrowed from me.   
Kramer: Yeah okay. Uh that'll be $3.50.   
Jerry: Excuse me?   
  
Kramer: That's the price to get into the theater.   
Jerry: But all I need is my laptop! Which is mine!   
Kramer: Well Jerry. If you wanna live up to the law, you pay the price.   
Jerry: Kramer! I don't have time for this!   
Kramer: Well not all of us are big celebrities Jerry. We need to make a   
living too.   
Jerry: All right!   
Jerry gives him $3.50   
  
Fade in J. Peterman's   
In the hallway   
J.Peterman: Oh Elaine! This door keeps closing! I need one of those cheese   
logs!   
Elaine: Cheese log?   
J.Peterman: You know, the thing that stops the door!   
Elaine: A door stop?   
J.Peterman: Oh yes Elaine! That's the one!   
Elaine: I'll go get you one Mr. Peterman.   
Elaine turns around and Mr. Edwards is there holding a door stop   
Mr. Edwards: I couldn't help overhearring your conversation so I got you a   
doorstop Mr. P!   
Mr. Peterman: Oh why thank you Mr. Edwards!   
Mr. Edwards: Your welcome Mr. P, I decided to get a doorstop for you. Didn't   
wanna wear Elaine   
out.smiles at Elaine. He walks off   
Mr. Peterman: Oh. He's such a lad. Too bad we don't have alot more Mr. Edwards   
around this   
place.   
Elaine: Yeah too bad.   
  
Fade in Jerry's apartment   
Elaine walks in   
Elaine: Well, I'm a slacker!   
Jerry: Oh that's nice. Why's that?   
Elaine: I'm gettin' nothin' Jerry. That creep at work has it in for me! He'll   
probably run me out of   
the job!   
Jerry: Yeah he probably will.   
Elaine: I appreciate your help.(smiles sarcastically)   
Jerry: Well just call him in your office to talk and show him your working.   
Elaine: Yes, yes! The call-in!   
Jerry: Right   
Elaine: You know Jerry, I appreciate your help   
Jerry: Hey, Todd gack's article came out oday! Can you believe it? Look at   
this! "Although Jerry   
Seinfeld is a popular comedian, his comedy is probably as good as a magician   
trying to perform   
comedy"   
Elaine: So he boomed you?   
Jerry: Yes! I'm gonna talk to him, and boom him!   
Elaine: I'm sure you will.   
George walks in wearing shorts and sandals and a ball cap   
Jerry: What the he** is this?   
George: I'll tell ya what it is. It's the new George! I'm livin' the dream!   
I'm goin' back in time! Look   
at me! No glasses! Ha ha! I'll tell you Jerry I feel something magical inside   
me that'll almost kill   
me! Ha ha! And I got no time for you guys because I'm gonna go play basketball   
with the east   
side bros! Later ......Dudes!   
George runs out and leaves making race car noises   
Jerry: So you wanna catch a movie later?(acting like nothing happened)   
Elaine: Sure. How bout we go to Kramer's matinee?   
Jerry: Or..we could go to George's parent's house.   
Elaine: It's that bad?   
Jerry: Elaine. He charges you.   
Elaine: But he has Jujy fruits   
Jerry: I'm aware of the Jujy Fruits   
They walk out of his door   
There's a sign by Kramer's door that says the price $3.50 and the movie that's   
playing"Love In   
The Mountains" .Nobody's there. Then all of a suuden Newman comes by   
Jerry:Hello Newman   
Newman: Hello Jerry   
Newman: So Kramer, what's playing?!   
Kramer: Looks like you need to read the sign. You know, If it wasn't for you   
Newman, we'd be   
out on the streets. But I think this business is going a long way.   
  
  
Fade in basektball court   
Playing "I'm Still Standing"by Elton John   
George is playing basketball with the bros   
They pass it to him. He looks good. Then he shoots it, he holds his back like   
it's hurting   
  
At the mall, a group of girls in their early 20's walk by, George goes up to   
talk to them and trys to   
start a conversation. The girls push him off. George is still smiling even   
though he knows he's   
losing it.   
  
Goes into a nightclub, Next Scene: Two men are throwing him in the gutter   
  
George gets on a bike, next scene: An ambulance is siring down the highway   
  
Fade in Rock Music Store. George comes in. There's a 19 year-old slacker at   
the counter looking   
like he's stoned   
  
George: Hey, you got any boss music?   
Man: Boss?   
George: Ya know, good music.   
Man: You're gonna have to clue me in.   
George: Rad...?   
Man stares at him.   
George: Fresh, phat? Whatever you use!!!!!!   
Man: What we use is whatever comes from the vampire bat! The man starts acting   
like a   
freakshow make bat noises and starts running in circles giggling.   
George stares at him like he's a freak   
  
Fade in Kramer's Theatre   
Jerry and Elaine are watching a movie   
George: Well, it's true, I'm 39!   
Jerry: Oh, when did this happen?   
George: Today, about noonish. But I'm pretty happy. All those young activities   
just wore me out.   
Jerry: So what are you going to do now?   
George: Dah, just ask out girls sucking in my gut   
Jerry: Oh that's nice   
George: What's this?   
Elaine: Schindler's List   
George: Don't make out with Elaine , Jerry. (George starts laughing)   
Jerry: Oh you think that's funny George?   
George: Well, yeah   
The group truns around and see Newman and Kramer crying from the movie.   
  
Fade in Elaine's office   
Elaine is getting ready to call in Mr. Edwards   
But all of a sudden a fly flies by.   
She gets the flyswatter out. She swings three times and misses.   
Elaine: You stupid fly! I'll get you!   
She swings four times and she starts sweating a she's exhausted   
Elaine: Oh ...God!(she's so warn out)   
Now ,in the doorway, Mr. Edwards and Mr. Peterman are standind shaking their   
heads. They   
were watching the whole time   
Elaine: What are you looking at?!   
Peterman and Edwards walk off shaking their heads   
  
Fade in comedy club   
Jerry sees Todd Gack   
Todd: Hey Jerry. You see the magazine?   
Jerry: Yes I did! so you just ask me to do an article on me, and then you make   
me sound like a   
total idiot?!   
Todd: Hey the readers go for it. If it get's their attention, I'll write it.   
It's that simple.I can't write an   
article on how good you are. The readers would throw it away! And besides,   
you're material is   
worth the wait.   
Todd and Jerry stare at eachother for 4 seconds   
Jerry: Ah, I guess you're right.   
  
fade in Jerry's hallway   
Sylvio, the super comes by Kramer's door   
Kramer: Hey Sylvio.   
Sylvio: What the he** is this?   
Kramer: Well it's the home theater. Kramer Cinema 1.   
Sylvio: There's two of these?   
Kramer: NO, that's just the number of movies playing at a time.   
Yeah, me and Newman did this and...   
Sylvio: Newman?!   
Kramer: Well Yeah.   
Sylvio: If a Newman did this, you close this up!   
Kramer: Oh but come on, this theater is gonna be in the papers!   
Sylvio stares at him   
Kramer: Possibly   
Sylvio: All a right. You can keep it. Just a keep it quiet.   
Sylvio walks off traling Kramer's eyes. Kramer looks back   
  
Fade in Bar   
Jerry comes out of showroom. You hear cheers.   
Jerry: Well, that was good!   
George: That sounded good   
Jerry: Yes it did   
Jerry: So, how are you gonna survive at work?   
Elaine: Hmm, I'll just lock my doors and get to my office with a ladder.   
Jerry: Oh.   
Jerry: I'll tell ya. My material is back! I can't lose! It's like one night   
I'm a loser, then next night,   
I'm a winner!   
Kramer: But I wonder what's in store for you tomorrow.   
Jerry thinks for a second like he could be right   
Jerry: Hey George, look at that girl. Maybe you should try asking her out.   
George: It's worth a shot.   
He walks over to her   
Jerry: So how's your theatre?   
Kramer: Well, I got Sylvio into it. Yeah he loves it.   
Jerry: Does he like Newman too?   
Kramer: Let's keep those files closed   
George: Hey I'm George.(sucking in his gut)   
woman: Hi I'm Patricia   
George: Hi, I couldn't help to notice you. You are a very attractive   
woman.(sucking in his gut,   
having trouble talking)   
Patricia: Thank you   
George: Yep. So you wanna catch a movie later? (his stomach falls out,   
revealing his fat)   
George: Ahh!   
woman walks offPatricia: Look I gotta go, It's geting late.   
George: yeah pretty late huh?   
George turns to a man beside hm   
George: You know any local cliffs I could jump off? 


End file.
